


me, myself, and us

by cupofkey



Series: drabble requests [11]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Ambiguity, Angst, Bad Touch Trio | Bad Friend Trio, Dubious Morality, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Military Training, frying pangle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:53:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26312194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cupofkey/pseuds/cupofkey
Summary: a short spinoff based onwindows all closed.Her team is her first responsibility, Elizabeth knows, and sometimes she needs an unpleasant reminder.
Series: drabble requests [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1822141
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	me, myself, and us

**Author's Note:**

> [if you haven’t read windows all closed, all you need to know is that they’re part of the military and do some pretty brutal “training matches” in teams, and that Mina+Erik are nyo!Finland and Iceland respectively. if you have, about Elizabeth’s team: she’s the King, Gilbert is the Bishop, Marianne/nyo!France is the Queen, Roderich is the Knight, and Antonio is the Rook.]
> 
> you definitely don't need to read that to read this though! this is more of a character study on my part; still, I hope it's enjoyable/interesting ?? anyways, come talk to me on [tumblr](https://cupofkey.tumblr.com)
> 
> and please enjoy :)

“Marianne. Marianne,” Gilbert drawls, hanging upside down from his bunk and swaying dangerously close to Elizabeth.

“Yeah! Hey, Marianne!” Antonio parrots, swinging his legs next to Gilbert’s swinging self, both of them on the verge of bursting into giggles.

Marianne, to her credit, hasn’t even acknowledged their existence no matter how annoying, her focus firmly on getting every last drop of moisturizer onto her face from the tiny tube she stole from Alice.  _ I don’t care if that girl has eczema, _ she had snorted to Elizabeth.  _ I’m dry. I’m flaking, for heaven’s sake. It’s not my fault she wasn’t careful with it. _

_ “That girl” is your maybe-girlfriend, _ Elizabeth had wanted to say, but by that point the other three had already rushed into their dorm in a surge of capital-T Testosterone and capital-A Annoying, and it immediately became far too late for any kind of rational conversation.

“Come  _ on, _ please,” Gilbert wheedles.

“ _ I  _ should be the one saying that. You’ve been pestering her for the last ten minutes,” Roderich mutters, sitting in the corner with a pinched look on his face. “We came here to  _ prepare _ for the match, in case you couldn’t tell.”

“Yeah, and?” Gilbert snarks. “Marianne’s  _ preparing _ her face. We’re just fucking around. Speaking of Marianne—”

“Yes, Marianne!” Antonio says, grinning. “Come on, tell us, tell us!”

Roderich rolls his eyes hard enough they fall shut, and he goes back to meditating or whatever else— the aforementioned Marianne finally glances up from the husk of a tube she’s been finagling with a raised eyebrow.

“You can see I’m busy,” she sighs, though a smile already bleeds into her voice. “What is it this time?”

Gilbert cackles, sitting upright, slinging an arm around Antonio. “Oh, you know exactly what.”

“ _ Gilbert… _ ”

“Um, in the library,” Antonio blurts. “You—”

Marianne’s eyebrows shoot up, and she  _ squeals, _ Antonio and Gilbert echoing it, the three of them erupting into equal parts hysterical laughter and roughhousing. Roderich’s face pinches even more.

“I can’t believe,” she gasps. “I can’t believe you didn’t say anything until now. How much restraint did  _ that  _ take?”

Antonio wipes his mirthful tears and leans all the way into Marianne’s shoulder. “Me too! Man, it was kind of fun being annoying to you for that long, though. We should do it more.”

Gilbert snickers, his feet already kicked out in their laps— they’re all tangled up, the way they always are, and Elizabeth can’t help the quick, fond glance she shares with Roderich.

_ They’re so stupid,  _ his eyes say.

_ They really are, _ she broadcasts back with a smile.  _ Isn’t it nice? _

_ It’s incomprehensible, is what it is, _ his raised eyebrows say.  _ They communicate by scream-laughing. _

Another loud screech from the pile of idiots on the floor seems to punctuate that sentiment perfectly, and they all shove at each other in breathless laughter before turning to Elizabeth with conspiratorial expressions.

“Hey, we think you two should quit eye-fucking,” Gilbert chortles.

“Are you talking to me?” she says, turning to him, a matching grin already rising up on her face. “Because I’m not the one getting all lovey on the floor with Marianne and Antonio.”

Marianne fake-gasps and tugs the other two closer. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she says, blue eyes wide and teasing.

“Me neither,” Antonio helpfully chimes in.

“Idiots, all of you,” Roderich says.

“Yes,” Gilbert declares, “I am, and I’m  _ proud _ of it.”

Marianne titters. Roderich just huffs and glances at Elizabeth with another long-suffering look.

“Really,” he says, “shouldn’t we be going over our team strategy?”

Elizabeth closes her eyes, leaning against her bedpost. “Okay, look— I got some info about our placement, and I can tell you we’ve solidly kicked their asses every time we match with them, so there’s nothing to worry about in that department.”

He clears his throat. “Wait, you’re saying you…”

She glances up to see four expectant sets of eyes staring at her, and all the ridiculousness of the previous moment seems to evaporate completely, replaced with a familiar, heavy, somber kind of weight.

_ I’m the King, _ she reminds herself.  _ I’m the team leader. I have to do what I have to do. I have to do it for the rest of them, I have to protect them, I have to play unfair, I… _

_ Well, I shouldn’t have done that. But this is how we win. _

“Yeah,” she finally says. “I shouldn’t have poked around. But we’re matching with Mina’s team.”

Gilbert sighs. “Well, at least we know. Although I don’t enjoy knowingly beating the shit out of Erik— he’s, what, a kid? Not exactly a test of anyone’s abilities.”

“Yeah,” Antonio muses, staring off at nothing in particular. “It’s weird, isn’t it? I’ve actually been wondering about that lately. Why do they keep getting matched with, well, the top teams? I just feel really…”

“Shitty,” Gilbert supplies. “Really, really,  _ really  _ shitty.”

Marianne shrugs, fiddling with the hem of her shirt, hair falling in her face. “Best to, ah. Let it be.”

“Yeah,” Gilbert says shortly, and then they’re silent.

Elizabeth can’t blame them—

_ Well, what am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to go easy on Mina and her team? Am I supposed to let them win, let them take our place? Let my team lose everything they’ve worked for? _

_ Am I supposed to be a good person? Or am I supposed to be a good cadet? _

“I’m sorry, guys,” she finally says. “Let’s just. Let’s…”

_ Let’s do our best, _ is what she’s trying to say, but something in her throat closes up, and nothing except a quiet wheezing noise comes out.  _ I’m sorry I keep sucking away our humanity with every match, _ is what she’s trying to say.  _ Let’s get out of here and never come back, _ is what she’s trying to say.  _ I’m sorry I can’t protect everyone, much less myself.  _

_ I’m…  _

Gilbert reaches for her, tentatively wraps his arms around her. He’s warm.

“Liz,” he says, and— 

Something in her just shatters.

“I hate it,” Elizabeth mumbles, and the soft words start to melt into tears, into real sobs that tear into her. “I really hate it here. I wanna go home. I wanna go home, I hate it. Someone take me home. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Oh, Elizabeth,” Roderich sighs.

Warm hands press into her shaking shoulders— Antonio, presumably. A pale hand that must be Marianne’s offers her a tissue.

“I can’t even feel embarrassed right now,” Elizabeth blubbers, “I just hate it.”

Gilbert’s arms pull her closer, tighter. He hasn’t said a word—

He gets it, she thinks. Really, they all get it. Nobody wants to say it, for fear of whatever might happen as a consequence, but they get it, and they’re here with her, and she’s here in hell with them.

“The match is starting soon, okay?” Antonio says. “You ready to head out?”

“You absolute idiot, you buffoon, be  _ quiet, _ ” Roderich hisses.

“No, no, I’m fine,” Elizabeth sniffles. “Just… give me a second.”

Marianne sighs, reaches out to put a hand on her knee. “Be strong, okay? We need you.”

“I know,” she replies. The tears slowly but surely start to dry, her lungs start to ease up, and her vision shifts back into focus. “Yeah, I know. Come on. We’ll crush ‘em.”


End file.
